Last night’s dream:
I was alone walking under the most perfect sky. There was no breeze and although their were cotton puff clouds it was sunny enough I could feel the warmth on my shoulders. I was thinner and wearing a white sundress. I don’t own any white sundresses but I’ve always loved how beautiful a tanned woman looks in one.
I was walking -through tall yellow flowered weeds that reached my knees- drawn toward a place I felt I had visited often. I stopped when I heard something scream. At first it sounded like a person but as I circled I saw a bald eagle take flight from a cluster of trees in the distance before screaming again.
I passed some flat grave markers that were barely noticeable until I was standing over them. I barely glimpsed my name -my maiden name- and few others I knew before making my way to one I sat next too. This marker had no name.
I placed my hand on the stone which the sun couldn’t seem to warm and I whispered, “I’m so sorry”.
I stood up and walked further as if I still hadn’t come to my destination. I remember hearing nothing, it was completely silent. I could feel the strength my muscles held as I walked, my hair caressing my back as my footsteps fell, I could smell the salty cinnamon of the earth. I felt completely at peace and comfortable in this place all alone.
And then there was a shift in scenery and I was standing on the edge of a cliff staring at a universe of stars which seemed to be a mere reflection of the city below me. I would say New York, it seemed like New York.
I started crying because my friends were down there and I was so far away. I needed to tell them something but I had forgotten what. I wanted to scream but I had no voice… I tried… no voice.
And then as I stood, staring at the world below, I heard from behind me:
“honey?” my mother’s voice
“honey?” my father’s voice
“honey?” my husband’s and daughter’s voice in unison
“Come back into the field and play with us?”