WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

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Last nights dream…

I sat with my back against a brick wall in an alley just big enough to let neon lights flash colors on the wall.  And I sat.

I sat, for what seemed forever, and listened to people pass by unaware of my presence.  I sat listening to a chorus of different voices mostly laughing.  Until I heard his voice…

I sat frozen, hugging my knees to my chest, willing him to pass by without looking towards me.   I felt self-conscious and realized I was naked.

I was afraid for him to see me after all these years.  Afraid he would ask me questions I couldn’t answer.  Afraid he would judge me.  Afraid he would conclude he was better off without me.  I was afraid he knew the truth.

I was a mess…

He was yelling at someone but the words didn’t make sense and I realized they didn’t makes sense because I was drunk.  I was surrounded by empty vodka bottles, some of which I had broken against the far wall.

Oh god please no… not again.  I felt warm hands all over my body, not caressing me but prodding me.  The hands belonged to a shadow that had no voice.

I began whimpering because I couldn’t speak.  I shoved at the shadow to no avail; it was a monster with an endless number of eyes.  Then his voice boomed in front of me… yelling… angry…

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!

 

 

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