CONVERGING SELF

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I heard his voice.

I couldn’t see where I was but I could hear him speaking to someone.

She sounded pretty.

He sounded…happy.

I felt my heart pounding.

It felt like the air I was breathing was full of sadness because with every inhale I felt pain.  It gathered in my lungs and fed my blood.

More laughter.

I could hear the sadness begin to whisper that will never be you.

The grief gathered inside eyes that still could not see. My tears dripped into a flood.

His voice became a song he sang to her.

I could sense the smile on her face.  The warmth his voice must have caused.  The joy his words must have given her.  A song written and sung specifically for her.

The grief turned into sobs of despair.  I felt hopeless, worthless, full of self-pity.

And then I heard the words he sang…

Words he used to sing to me.

And the sadness, the grief, the despair all fell silent.

I dared to open my eyes.

And it was me he was singing too.

 

*Thinking about this dream.  I believe there is a part of me that I can’t convince deserves love.  Love can be standing right in front of me and I am afraid I wouldn’t trust it.  It will be a fight between my two selves to the death.

Do I deserve love?

Better yet… can I trust it??

 

*BASED ON A DREAM

 

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4 thoughts on “CONVERGING SELF

  1. That question, “Can I trust it?”, is such a key. I have, more than once, been involved with others for whom the answer was “no.” As painful as it is, which you express so powerfully here, to not be able to trust, that one is, and deserves, that love, it is an enduring sadness to have given it and had it not trusted. Did I not do it right, say it right? Could I have proved it? It comes down to, perhaps, the courage to take the risk to believe and that it will be believed. And never give up. I suppose that is a great part of what is called Faith. reblogging

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the trust part is the hardest. I think the best approach is baby steps. Slowly grow into love. I have the problem of being too trusting and a bit naive so am easily hurt, duped, etc. It’s hard when you think you’ve found someone who is “different” than all of the others and then they turn out to be the same.

    Like

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