SCREAMING STATIC

It isn’t often I wake up feeling traumatized.

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It was early morning and the sun was just spreading its light among evaporating clouds.  I was driving down a road, and nobody was around.  Hot coffee sat to my right, too hot to drink, steam swirling and it smelled like clarity.

I felt content. Strong. Happy.

I rolled the windows down because I love how the wind whips across my face and tries to pull my hair from my head.  I was smiling and it felt good on my face.  It felt like it does when your legs finally unbend after having sat for too long.

I turned on the radio and caught Pink in the middle of a song:

It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls

STATIC

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart

STATIC

… you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

…and then nothing but buzzing.  Static but more purposeful.  Repetitive.

Every channel the same.  I turned it up because I could have sworn I heard something inside the static.  Laughing? Crying?

I drove miles letting my mind wander listening to the static.  It sounded so familiar but I couldn’t figure out why.  Where was I even going?

STATIC

Be sure to look up before you die.  It’ll crack in half.  And you’ll see where.  And you’ll see where.  And you’ll see where.  And you’ll see….

SCREAMING

I turned of the radio but I could still hear the static screaming.  And then laughing.

I stopped the car in the middle of the street and got out of the car.  It wasn’t the radio filled with static.

I covered my ears and the static was quieter.  It wasn’t me either.

It was the sky.

It was all around me.

I heard my cell phone ring and opened my car to search for my phone.  It was my daughter.

Mom?

Where are you?

I tried to tell her I was on my way but she couldn’t hear me.

MOM!

All I can hear is static.  Are you there?

Mom?

I’m scared.  I’ve been sitting here waiting for you for over an hour.

Where are you?

Then she was gone.  And the static stopped.

I looked up and the sky was…. tearing.  It looked as if someone was unzipping it.  But it was jagged and sounded like paper tearing.

I heard sirens.

I heard screaming.

And I watched as the sky fell away and all I could see at first was fire.  Then body parts, like meteors on fire, started falling from the sky.  I could smell them burning all around me.  And then I saw me.  I was walking towards myself.  I had a huge smile on my face.

No, not a smile.

My face was burned away and all that was left was teeth and eyes.

I was reaching for myself.  I was telling myself something.

Tell her that you love her.

Tell her that you love her.

Tell her that you love her.

Tell her that you love her.

I looked down at my phone lying on asphalt that was starting to bubble.  I picked it up and with burned hands I texted my daughter.

I love you so much!

And then she was replying…  typing…

Mom!

Where ARE YOU?


I wrote this dream and realized how ridiculous it sounds but it felt so freaking real and I couldn’t wake up.  It was just a dream.  But I woke up with the real sense I could die at any moment.  The idea of leaving my daughter without closure or helping her through losing me is devastating.

 

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3 thoughts on “SCREAMING STATIC

  1. Geeeez no wonder you woke up so freaked out. Also, SERIOUSLY too much Final Destination 😉

    Guess the subconscious knows what we’re mulling over. Sweet of it to wreck our nighttimes with it…

    Liked by 1 person

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