MADE FOR TWO

I tried to Slip quietly Out the back But the door Squeaked Then slammed Shut For a few moments I stared Hard at the stars I sucked in air And watched As ice crystals Carried My exhale away The slamming door Woke her up Mommy? Are you okay? Yea baby I was just thinking About … More MADE FOR TWO

FEEDING HEARTS

If I could see you face to face I’d reach out and pull you in. I’d hold you for just the right amount of time to absorb your tears, the ache in your heart, your worries, and your pain. It wouldn’t matter who was at fault. I wouldn’t tell you what you did wrong or … More FEEDING HEARTS

NEVER ENOUGH

You’re beautiful And so are you All the people Doing what’s good You’re trying And so are you All the ways You think you should But it’s never enough And that’s not bad Because it’s time The restricting dad Of the universe Whispering to us Does it matter? Just be good Just keep trying Even … More NEVER ENOUGH

ALWAYS WINTER

The years melt away. Only a few of the moments stick like stubborn icicles that refuse to drip. I don’t want to lose the memories I have. The good or the bad. I sit here decorating the Christmas tree again. So many memories hanging as reminders of some of those icicles that somehow found a … More ALWAYS WINTER

JUST KISSES

I think about all the kisses I’m missing. The songs I’m not hearing. The sighs and the yawns. The laughter and the wishful thinking.

JUST ONE KICK

*INSPIRED BY THE VIDEO BELOW Watch me, one kick is all it takes Give me your best combat posture Free flowing flexibility, come at me I’ll give you a little taste of disaster Watch out, this ain’t fake stuff Give me your best snappy punch Bust a move, come on little man Let me take … More JUST ONE KICK

PLAY BALL

I get stuck sometimes.  I’ll agonize over things I can’t control.  Things I should NOT control.  It takes some time to breathe stability back into my state of being.  Stability is a an emotional muscle and it has to be exercised regularly in order to function when triggered. Stop. Breathe.  Inhale.  Exhale. Focus. Inhale. Exhale. … More PLAY BALL

I WANT TO…

  I’m afraid… Not of abandonment Or of being left out I used to think I was Until… I kept surviving And I found wisdom In these things I didn’t understand So no… I am not afraid Of not being picked Or not belonging But… I am afraid Of mental illness Of not being able … More I WANT TO…

WHAT IF…

This morning I woke up with one thought in my mind. What if I am the problem? What if all this time I thought I had no power to change anything and didn’t try just to find out I had enough power to make a difference? WHAT IF… I looked at the world with the … More WHAT IF…

BLACKOUT

August 2014 was the last time I drank alcohol. When I go back and read the things I wrote before my sobriety and the things I write now I can see a huge difference.  I am so glad to have the reminders of who I was and what alcohol did to my state of mind. … More BLACKOUT

WE ARE SNOW

It’s in the snow The specks of dirt That drift and float Dust caged by tears Shed from the heavens Frozen and dropped Wrapped and held And manipulated To be more than To be desired To be beholden For its short lived Mesmerizing And unique beauty Creating blankets Of white cotton Waiting for the sun … More WE ARE SNOW

THE WHITE CROWS

I should have known The moment I woke They had meaning The platoon of birds Sitting far too still On the fence outside As if at attention Waiting for orders They were white Not doves but crows As if covered in paint Or baby powder Or soft fuzzy snow Like a line of cocaine They … More THE WHITE CROWS

IF WE MUST BE FIRE

We live in a world Where fire rages And water drowns And if we must be fire Let us use it to warm And to give light to dark And if we must be water Let us heal the thirsty And rain on the parched We get to choose How we get on with life

MINE DIAMONDS

It takes love Fiercely passionate Patient and kind In a world Breeding hate And mistrust Making love A casualty Of childhood We must fight To mine diamonds From our hearts Every single day We can’t give up In our pursuit To discover To uncover The gems hidden Under the pain And anger And we must … More MINE DIAMONDS

HELP ME RISE UP

  Last night this song came on and though I love this song I have never listened to the words. I was sitting next to my daughter and listening to her belt it out. It was beautiful. Her voice, her strength, her… happiness. I felt, at that moment, she would be okay. She would be … More HELP ME RISE UP

THE COLOR OF RAIN

He thought the rain was purple I liked purple but I saw more To me it was a million colors Depending on mood, or eyes Or even how the light dances As the drops begin to fall Lazy blues, soft yellow hues Crazy reds bleeding from the sky Pinks falling like rose petals Greys dropping … More THE COLOR OF RAIN

IF SHE WERE A DRAGON

I just started watching Game of Thrones.  My favorite character is Daenerys Targaryen.  She is beautiful.  She is strong.  She is compassionate.  I wonder… if she were a Dragon what kind would she be. I was born a dragon With white feathers From head to toe I never learned Like all dragons do To breathe fire … More IF SHE WERE A DRAGON

TARNISHED GOLD

I reconciled myself to you Felt the misery and the joy Your pain and heartache I yearned to take from you I brought my golden thread And I set out to sew pieces That were dangling there You were ragged and torn But an original rarity Beauty far beyond each fray I stitched the neglected parts The … More TARNISHED GOLD

CRAZY EYES

The world thinks I am mad Crazy stamped inside eyes As blue as the morning sky The label is a straightjacket I wear each day, every night And I wonder if they know How tight I had to stitch Each thought to its master How diligent I am stoking A fire that so quickly dies Do … More CRAZY EYES

IN MY CLOSET

My closet is full Of old worn lives Tried for a time And then hung To remind me Like music does Of the magic One can find In transformation

FISHNET BLUES

Feel my words Read them Let them flow You the leaf My words The breeze Sustaining you Inside your whirlwind But they won’t I want my thoughts To wrap around you Drown you inside A silent comfort And caress your soul Making your heart Feel completely whole But they won’t Although my words Are pure … More FISHNET BLUES

THE MAGIC OF YOUTH

I’ve watched her grow taller Her voice changing Her sense of humor developing Her individuality blooming I’ve watched her struggle Her temper calming Her anxiety evolving Her wisdom growing I’ve watched her excel Her confidence expanding Her fears changing Her ideas inspiring I’ve watched her every day Through every season Through every trial Through every accomplishment … More THE MAGIC OF YOUTH

FEED ME

I am cold down deep And in that place I hide My home void of life I sit confined all alone Content to waste away But then… Your arms reach for me And hold me so tightly I can feel your warmth And subconsciously I press into your heat The cold I’ve maintained Relinquishes its … More FEED ME

TIME IS RELATIVE

Time is relative. I was laying there next to the man of my dreams.  He was wearing a pair of jeans he knew I liked with a turquoise T-shirt.  I was wearing a white sundress. Our shoes were married to each other and sat in the grass just off the edge of our roughly woven  … More TIME IS RELATIVE

PACKING AWAY LIVES

I’ve been packing My lives away Sorting memories Saying goodbye Practicing hello Dwelling On empty spots Less and less Dreaming Of filling holes More and more Looking For the laughter And the simplicity Of the day to day Searching For meaning Inside myself

CRIMSON FLOOD

There was a point, several years ago, I hit rock bottom and knew I needed help.  I forget sometimes how cruel and deceptive depression is even though I felt its power rage inside me.  I think back to those thoughts and I tremble with fear.  What if this happens to me again?  Well the difference is … More CRIMSON FLOOD