FORGOTTEN SORROW

*Sometimes the things we fear most are hidden inside the sorrows we’ve forgotten. My body is cold As I slumber here My heart has slowed Exhausted by fear My breath borrowed My heartache clear Give me this place Called absence To plant my respects To sort the sadness That has defined me Give me some … More FORGOTTEN SORROW

BLACK AND BLUE

Because if I say how I feel Or get confused and twisted If I ask for help deciphering What it is I’ve misinterpreted If I reach out and try to seek A perspective outside myself I might be misconstrued As the escapee condemned Justly accused and caught Red handed trying to escape From these chains … More BLACK AND BLUE

DESPAIR

The nagging feeling persists Like decay eating away at life Small veins of smelly rot snake Through all my thoughts today Whispering into a pained heart The cliffs are beautiful This time of year my dear The ocean perfectly cold And numbing and strong The spirits are many Flavorful and sweet Listen to our voices … More DESPAIR

BLOODY BURDENS

Burdens fall Mixed with blood Tear stained Mud soaked Crushed beneath bodies That won’t stay buried Don’t reach Don’t plead Or They’ll start feeding They’ll start swimming Inside your veins These burdens They’ll mark you Then hook you Then call you by name

A THOUSAND NIGHTS

My soul yearns for permanent connections. I’m not sure there is a way around this yearning. I think it might be a part of all of us. Like a part of why we are here maybe. Good or bad people who impact us leave permanent marks on us. They are a part of us. We … More A THOUSAND NIGHTS

PLEASE DON’T…

**Even decades later it surfaces. Moments I’ve forgotten. Your body heals. Maybe even your heart. But the things trauma of “any” kind does to your brain… that lasts forever. You can learn to live a productive and happy life along side of it but it’s always there. Always. The weight was so heavy But the … More PLEASE DON’T…

THE ESCAPE

There are many places I could hide. A small shadow cast in an already dark room. A clear piece of glass in the corner of an open window. I could sit in plain sight and remain invisible but what is the fun in that? I scared a rabbit yesterday that came too close to the … More THE ESCAPE

PSYCHOTIC BREAK

Fire of self-doubt spreads I can’t fucking get a grip I turn to comedy; You laugh, I laugh My smile distracts you From my pupil’s truth But you’d be daft Not to notice the Exploding disco balls Of flashing insecurity You feign sightless But you’re not blind As you look past me To the devil … More PSYCHOTIC BREAK

TWO HOUR CAR RIDE

Mom it’s just a two hour drive. I would feel better though if you took the train. Seriously?  I love to drive and I will be fine. I would feel better though if you took the train. What if I promise to stop if I get tired? I would feel better though if you took … More TWO HOUR CAR RIDE

PLAY BALL

I get stuck sometimes.  I’ll agonize over things I can’t control.  Things I should NOT control.  It takes some time to breathe stability back into my state of being.  Stability is a an emotional muscle and it has to be exercised regularly in order to function when triggered. Stop. Breathe.  Inhale.  Exhale. Focus. Inhale. Exhale. … More PLAY BALL

UNFIXED

The hole was a symbol Of dread and loss Loss of friendship Loss of control Loss of trust and hope Of dreams and… What did it matter She knew better The hole needed fixed Pffft a symbol Of how foolish she was How blind and naive How completely hopeless The truth was he broke He … More UNFIXED

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

Adrenaline flows… You can feel it race The oxygen Testing the limits Of every artery Pushing through Every forgotten Sleepy vein Wake the fuck up And run Run for your life Again today

THE COLD WE LIVE IN

It wasn’t her scars Or the memory of their pain How they wound tight Around her heart Or suffocated her brain It wasn’t the holes They dug deep into her skin Or the burns they scorched Into the corners of her grin It was their cold stares It was their cold hearts It was their … More THE COLD WE LIVE IN

FALLING

I’d fall at your feet But your hands Keep me standing Revolving spaces Dissolving mercy Into beautiful grace I’d fall at your feet But your eyes Skip through me Over invisible beats Reviving rhythms I thought were dead I’d fall at your feet But your lips Land soft then hard Melting my insides Erasing doubts … More FALLING

I WANT TO…

  I’m afraid… Not of abandonment Or of being left out I used to think I was Until… I kept surviving And I found wisdom In these things I didn’t understand So no… I am not afraid Of not being picked Or not belonging But… I am afraid Of mental illness Of not being able … More I WANT TO…

WHAT IF…

This morning I woke up with one thought in my mind. What if I am the problem? What if all this time I thought I had no power to change anything and didn’t try just to find out I had enough power to make a difference? WHAT IF… I looked at the world with the … More WHAT IF…

MILES AWAY

The heavy air Echoes my voice As I talk to myself And the words Drop like a stone Into silent water Sending circles To naked shores It’s so cold here Miles away from Where you are

BLACKOUT

August 2014 was the last time I drank alcohol. When I go back and read the things I wrote before my sobriety and the things I write now I can see a huge difference.  I am so glad to have the reminders of who I was and what alcohol did to my state of mind. … More BLACKOUT

WE ARE SNOW

It’s in the snow The specks of dirt That drift and float Dust caged by tears Shed from the heavens Frozen and dropped Wrapped and held And manipulated To be more than To be desired To be beholden For its short lived Mesmerizing And unique beauty Creating blankets Of white cotton Waiting for the sun … More WE ARE SNOW

BREATHING ASHES

Anarchy Steps heavy with Steel toed boots Torches replace Keystrokes Wooden stakes Carved into words Skewering insides Turning logic Into a constant Trickling streams Of overdosed panic Invisible blood Flows thick Drawing poison From weak souls Until the puss Runs sticky And thoughts sit Restless In puddles Of old and dried Scabby wounds Until remorse … More BREATHING ASHES

BLEAK DESOLATION

  Bleakness got stuck here Held under and drowning Beneath a crimson avalanche Of burnt and mutilated words Desperate for coherent sense To strike like lightening Upon the overgrown heads Of the mountain crawlers To cry like rolling thunder Across a grossly pregnant sky Holding its belly just for spite Stuck and buried we are … More BLEAK DESOLATION

CHEMICAL EMOTIONS

Strong messages Tripped on curves Leaning into her Giving into her Finding their way Inside of her She could feel Their movement Snaking softly Around her hips Slithering inside All her bends Looking for ways To purchase A home within her For the rest Of his eternity

UNLIKELY POET

He was a tough man With hard expressions Etched into his eyes A man who grew up On streets named After bullies And drug dealers A place where Everyday traumas Played hide and seek Searching for victims To harass and carry Staining words of hate Inside memories And engraving them With hopelessness A place where … More UNLIKELY POET

BLACK SHEETS

  She woke face down On sheets of black The satiny slick kind The soothing cool kind The hiding secrets kind The kind that stole Her soul that night And left her empty To wander streets With eyes wide Wishing for death Because Who she was Was destroyed When her body Fell into the dark … More BLACK SHEETS

OF ASHES

Inside the dark Was a storm With a hurricane Made of smoke Piercing hearts With broken words Trampling love With its breath Rancid with fear Dropping bodies From skylines Bruised purple And colored With jealousy Smelling Like lavender Scented soap It pours down Its tragic melody Searching endlessly For our creator Raining down into All … More OF ASHES