The battle is fought inside the storm Where the wet refuses to shake and dry Where the crimson colors dark and light Coat the ground and paint the sky night


The whispers came Quietly scampering As if in a dusty attic “Go away” she cried Hoping they’d listen You don’t matter They would taunt You never did You never will They continued “Go away” she cried Trying to mute them But they stayed And they fed On her anxiety On her frustration On her self … More THE WHISPERS


In here the air is still Maybe more hollow A black hole wraps me Inside its stomach As sound disappears Brain is swallowed And I can no longer Feel my own soul But there is something Nudging me, or pulling Something from beyond Reaching silently, towards Into what has become The home I’ve created A … More BLACK HOLE LIFE


People are fascinating.  I love listening to them and figuring out what makes them work.  Tell me your history, your dreams, your greatest fears.  I like to learn how we are the same and how we are different. As much as I like to listen I also like to talk.  However, talking is hard for … More THE STITCHES


Last night I took my daughter to see NF. I watched as she stood singing every song word for word. I noticed the wonder in her eyes as she took in the lights, the music, and the performance. She has been to concerts before but this one was special. This was the first concert she … More MY FINAL EPISODE


Dreams don’t come so often for me lately.  So this poem isn’t from a dream but rather from me realizing I was sitting in a quiet house staring off into space.  I decided to give my emotional brain a moment to speak.  Don’t blame me it said… you are the one that feeds me. Mixing … More DON’T BLAME ME


This dream was so unclear it was hard to piece together when I woke up.  There were so many faces and it went from theme to theme.  One of the clearest themes included Lady Gaga. I am sure I dreamt about Gaga because the movie “A Star Is Born” has been weighing heavily on my … More TAKE EVERYTHING


*Sometimes the things we fear most are hidden inside the sorrows we’ve forgotten. My body is cold As I slumber here My heart has slowed Exhausted by fear My breath borrowed My heartache clear Give me this place Called absence To plant my respects To sort the sadness That has defined me Give me some … More FORGOTTEN SORROW


Because if I say how I feel Or get confused and twisted If I ask for help deciphering What it is I’ve misinterpreted If I reach out and try to seek A perspective outside myself I might be misconstrued As the escapee condemned Justly accused and caught Red handed trying to escape From these chains … More BLACK AND BLUE


The nagging feeling persists Like decay eating away at life Small veins of smelly rot snake Through all my thoughts today Whispering into a pained heart The cliffs are beautiful This time of year my dear The ocean perfectly cold And numbing and strong The spirits are many Flavorful and sweet Listen to our voices … More DESPAIR


Burdens fall Mixed with blood Tear stained Mud soaked Crushed beneath bodies That won’t stay buried Don’t reach Don’t plead Or They’ll start feeding They’ll start swimming Inside your veins These burdens They’ll mark you Then hook you Then call you by name


**Even decades later it surfaces. Moments I’ve forgotten. Your body heals. Maybe even your heart. But the things trauma of “any” kind does to your brain… that lasts forever. You can learn to live a productive and happy life along side of it but it’s always there. Always. The weight was so heavy But the … More PLEASE DON’T…


Fire of self-doubt spreads I can’t fucking get a grip I turn to comedy; You laugh, I laugh My smile distracts you From my pupil’s truth But you’d be daft Not to notice the Exploding disco balls Of flashing insecurity You feign sightless But you’re not blind As you look past me To the devil … More PSYCHOTIC BREAK


Mom it’s just a two hour drive. I would feel better though if you took the train. Seriously?  I love to drive and I will be fine. I would feel better though if you took the train. What if I promise to stop if I get tired? I would feel better though if you took … More TWO HOUR CAR RIDE


The hole was a symbol Of dread and loss Loss of friendship Loss of control Loss of trust and hope Of dreams and… What did it matter She knew better The hole needed fixed Pffft a symbol Of how foolish she was How blind and naive How completely hopeless The truth was he broke He … More UNFIXED


Adrenaline flows… You can feel it race The oxygen Testing the limits Of every artery Pushing through Every forgotten Sleepy vein Wake the fuck up And run Run for your life Again today


August 2014 was the last time I drank alcohol. When I go back and read the things I wrote before my sobriety and the things I write now I can see a huge difference.  I am so glad to have the reminders of who I was and what alcohol did to my state of mind. … More BLACKOUT


Anarchy Steps heavy with Steel toed boots Torches replace Keystrokes Wooden stakes Carved into words Skewering insides Turning logic Into a constant Trickling streams Of overdosed panic Invisible blood Flows thick Drawing poison From weak souls Until the puss Runs sticky And thoughts sit Restless In puddles Of old and dried Scabby wounds Until remorse … More BREATHING ASHES


  Bleakness got stuck here Held under and drowning Beneath a crimson avalanche Of burnt and mutilated words Desperate for coherent sense To strike like lightening Upon the overgrown heads Of the mountain crawlers To cry like rolling thunder Across a grossly pregnant sky Holding its belly just for spite Stuck and buried we are … More BLEAK DESOLATION


  She woke face down On sheets of black The satiny slick kind The soothing cool kind The hiding secrets kind The kind that stole Her soul that night And left her empty To wander streets With eyes wide Wishing for death Because Who she was Was destroyed When her body Fell into the dark … More BLACK SHEETS


Inside the dark Was a storm With a hurricane Made of smoke Piercing hearts With broken words Trampling love With its breath Rancid with fear Dropping bodies From skylines Bruised purple And colored With jealousy Smelling Like lavender Scented soap It pours down Its tragic melody Searching endlessly For our creator Raining down into All … More OF ASHES


I should have known The moment I woke They had meaning The platoon of birds Sitting far too still On the fence outside As if at attention Waiting for orders They were white Not doves but crows As if covered in paint Or baby powder Or soft fuzzy snow Like a line of cocaine They … More THE WHITE CROWS


There was blood Lots of it actually It wasn’t dripping It was streaming Pooling steadily Below the bed Once white sheets Now sticky sweet Clouds of red Absorbing cotton As if a storm Was brewing This was it My final kill I’d killed many Since I was nine Youngest enlisted Vampire killer Not so great … More KILLER GENTLY


My mind is mad A warship sunk Painted in shades Of millennial rust Man the cannons Raise the flags Today we sail Until once again We falter and fail


She wanted to hear the words She’d said them so many times But all she got were excuses Why… she shouldn’t say them No matter how much she did No matter how far she’d go It would never be enough The world would still end The flames would still go out And she’d be left … More HER OWN INSANITY


Don’t breathe I fear I’ll break One small sigh And my porcelain Will surely crack Not even the sky Can blink softly Enough I fear To keep me Together here Don’t touch I’m electricity My tears fatal If they fall Upon you So run quick Before I crumble My thousand And thousand And thousand Shards … More A THOUSAND SHARDS


  It would mean death Slow and unrelenting Deep and deep and deep Dark descending thoughts With teeth sharpened Sinking in time With every drawn breath Until there is no more Rising and falling It would mean death To pretend the monster Isn’t lurking under the bed Or behind your door Or inside their eyes … More IN DENIAL


I sit lost between lines Where logic and insanity Like to play tug-of-war Watching as tormented Setting the world on fire I watch in silence For fear my tongue Might be made of fuel That I might contribute To the devised disorder I ready myself to watch As those who dance Among the flames Get … More ASH MAKERS